I love me some online slots! What can I say, once you get past the repetitive nature of, like, most online slots out there, they’re actually really, really good and fun! Well, most of them, at least. Some of them? A few of them? There’s gotta be some, right? Yes, sadly, slots are incredibly cheap and easy to produce and don’t really require much creativity… Which means that, well, in layman’s terms, most slots suck monkey balls (and by that I mean these balls, of course – get your mind out of the gutter). That’s why honest reviews are especially important, since without someone to point you in the right direction you’d be stuck in a sea of mediocrity! Well, that someone is, obviously, me, because who else would be better? Someone who knows what they’re doing? Pfft, come on! And because I don’t want you to think I’m pulling stuff out of my rectum during the reviews, I decided to compile a handy-dandy list of all the categories I’ll be using during my reviews! Starting with…
Premise
The premise of a slot, I feel, is pretty important to the overall experience. It’s what grabs people’s attention first and makes them want to check out your slot! I’m not necessarily looking for a strong brand or license here (although that helps – “The Avengers” and “South Park” say hi), but just a premise that is unique, interesting and would make for a fun slot. “Kitty Glitter”? What the hell is that? Pass! “Machine Gun Unicorn”? Sign me up! “Bridesmaids”?! Whose idea was that?! “Aliens”? That is brilliant.
Presentation
In videogames, you typically need to talk about the graphics, the sound design, the music and other things in their own paragraphs/categories during the review, but here ain’t nobody got time for that! So we’re just compressing everything that has to do with the slot’s presentation into one nifty little category – graphics, sound, music, animation, you name it. If it pleases the senses, you can read all about it here. If it doesn’t please the senses you’ll also read about it here. And you will weep alongside me.
Bonus Features
Anyone can make a slot! I can make a slot! They’re not hard to program at all! What IS hard to program are the various special features that pop up like Huns in the snow (if you didn’t get that reference I’ll have to make a man out of you). We’re talking bonus games, free spins, that sort of fun thing. Anything that makes the slot stand out from all the rest will be mentioned here and then discussed so thoroughly that even the creators of “Making a Murderer” will say “Damn, son, you need to calm down”. Am I on a roll with references today or what?
Conclusion
This section is simple – should you play the slot or not? Or if the answer is maybe, what are the conditions? If you liked the slot, what others can I recommend you, and if you shouldn’t play it, what should you check out instead? Fun stuff!